The Rich Woman and her Perfect Husband

Several men are in the locker room at the golf club when a mobile phone rings.
A man picks up the phone, presses the ‘hands free’ function and begins to talk.
Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: “Hello”
WOMAN: “Hello love it’s me, are you at the club?”.

MAN: “Yes”.
WOMEN: “I’m in the high street and have found this beautiful leather coat, it’s only £1000 is it OK if I buy it?

MAN: Of course it is, if you like it that much go ahead!
WOMAN: “I also stopped at the Porche dealership on the way here and saw the latest model, and I really like it”

MAN: “How much is it?”
WOMAN: “£75,000”

MAN: “OK but for that price I want it with all the extras.”
WOMAN: “Great! Oh, and one more thing... that house that we saw last year and really liked is back on the market, they are asking £950,000 for it.”

MAN: “Try offering them £900,000, if they refuse, we can go to £950,000, if necessary, it’s still a good price.”
WOMEN: “OK, I will see you later!
I love you so much!”

MAN: “Bye, I love you too.”

The man ends the call. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in amazement.

At which point he turns to them and asks…

“Does anyone know who this phone belongs to?”

Growing up in the 1950’s – A Time of Innocence.

Kindly sent in by Ken Jones

EVERYBODY who grew up in Fifties Britain will have his or her own memories of their childhood, the nation was still recovering from the Second World War and seeing the first evidence of the welfare state. Rock and roll was in its infancy and times were a changing!

Was this a time of innocence as we sometimes see it when we look back.

Here are a few memories from that era which when I read a book “A 1950’s Childhood from Tin Baths to Bread and Dripping” by Paul Feeney were brought back to me vividly from my youth growing up in Penycae.

People had pride and loyalty to their country, everyone knew their neighbours and doors were left unlocked.
Early in the 50’s rationing was still in place so it was a treat to get sweets at Christmas with an apple in your Christmas stocking.
In 1954 only 3 million people had a black and white TV increasing to 13 million in 1964. But this was not an issue as you could play in the street without much traffic around there were only 2 million cars in 1950 in Britain. The most popular being the Ford Prefect and Austin A35.
Many houses were cold and draughty do you remember the frost forming on the inside of bedroom windows.
Do you remember pea-soupers, thick dense fog due to the high levels of coal fire emissions? It is estimated that 12,000 people died in the sog in London in 1952.
In the 1950’s children were able to enjoy outdoor in relative safety. Health and Safety regulations were not a real issue and children got dirty, played rough and tumble games. Remember the iodine used on grazed knees.
Do you remember run outs, hopscotch, hand stands and cartwheels in the school yard, playing conkers?
Discipline was taught at home, there was no mugging of old ladies, very little vandalism and no graffiti.
Children respected police men, teachers etc knowing a clip around the ear was common place.
Do you remember OMO washing powder and Robin starch and the kettle being permanently on the kitchen stove or open fire ready for that cup of tea.
Smoking was very common with ashtrays in every room.
Remember tin baths in front of the fire and toilets could be found down the garden path.
Food was mostly cooked fresh; most homes did not have a fridge so fresh food was bought nearly every day from the local grocer’s shop.
On Sundays most had a roast dinner from which the leftovers were made into stews, pies etc to each later in the week.
Remember Bread and Beef Dripping a favourite of my father and spam sandwiches sometimes curled up on the ends.
To cope with this, we were given a daily spoonful of cod liver oil!!
Going to the cinema was a real treat in my case the Stwyt or the Pavilion in Rhos. To watch films starring Jack Hawkins, Kenneth Moore and Dirk Bogart to name a few.
Remember Saturday morning pictures were maybe 100 to 200 children would attend and the film would regularly be stopped due to some bad behaviour. It was controlled mayhem but a great morning out.
Do you remember Lucky Bags, Gob Stoppers which gave you a sore tongue, aniseed balls and spangles? Bags of crisps with salt in a blue paper twist which was always at the bottom of the bag.
Old money was till about then with one shilling going a long way on sweets and comics.
The 1950’s was the decade of skiffle and rock and roll with Bill Haley, Elvis Presley and Cliff Richard. Cliff’s first hit “Move” was the first rock and roll song produced outside of the USA.
Other British singers such as Tommy Steele, Marty Wilde, Billy Fury and Adam faith also first came to fame in the 50’s.
Do you remember:
Classrooms heated by a coal fire in the corner.

Milk at school in bottles that froze in winter.

Cube of cheese once a month.

Spud Guns Catapults Bow and Arrows

Wooden Carts with wheels from old prams and no brakes

Davy Crocket Hats made from fur. Bowie Knives

Car Number plate spotting

Beano, Dandy, Eagle, Topper comics

Musical Express.

The decade was also a time of change both socially and technologically which in my opinion was the start of the Technology Revolution, which we are all experiencing today, who would have thought in the 1950/60’s we would have powerful computers or mobile phones at home for example.

There was something cosy about growing up in the last decade in which most children retained their childish innocence to the age of 12 or 13 and enjoyed a carefree life full of fun and games. The stresses of adolescence and then adult life could wait. We were lucky but are children so lucky now?

But was it totally a time of innocence? What do you think?

Ken Jones

With some extracts used from “A 1950’s Childhood”

And now--A Poem by- Liz Scott

I am thinking how mother put plastic bags over our mittened hands

Then sealed them with rubber bands to keep them dry.

Venturing out like greyhounds sprung from the trap

Snow seeping over the top of our mismatched, too tight, too loose wellingtons

We'd spend hours scooping, rolling, piling and propping up

Toppling facsimilies of ourselves, our families

And we always made them smile.

I am thinking how there was always someone in class with an obscured lens

An elastoplasted patch, orangey texture contrasting with

Tell tale pink plastic. Tight curly metal scrunched behind the ears

Stopping them flying off, meant to kickstart a 'lazy' eye.

And then, others of us with restraining braces, or

The kind that moved molars and incisors around

To create photo perfect smiles.

Today I am thinking how hard it is to tell if someone is smiling,

Or not. Mask wearing; hinder, halt, stop those droplets!

We smile about our reminiscences, they're unifying, of our eras, but

Remind us too of past restraints, restrictions, precautions, limits.

I am thinking I want it to snow soon, huge billowing drifts of it

So I can bound as much as I am still able, without breaking any bones

And I will smile with my snowman.